The Forever Decision by Paul Quinnett   Chapter 2

An Idea That Kills

What I want to talk to you about in this chapter is just where you got the idea of taking your own life in the first place. It didn't just pop into your head one day from out of nowhere. But since I can't ask you where you got the notion, I'm going to have to do my best to help you figure this out for yourself.

Take a minute right now and ask yourself, "When did I first start thinking about taking my own
life?"

Now ask yourself, "Have I known anyone who died by suicide?"

Because human beings learn a great deal from each other, all of us are subject to examples set for us by people we know, by strangers, and by famous people. We learn which fork to pick up at a formal dinner by watching the person next to us. We learn what to wear to the dance by watching what other people wear to dances. Most of us cut our hair long or short, depending on what most other people our age are doing with their hair.

For those of us who live in America, we all know Marilyn Monroe died by suicide. We know the novelist Ernest Hemingway killed himself. We read about people killing themselves all the time. And sometimes we think, "If someone like Marilyn Monroe, with all her beauty and money and success, can kill herself, why shouldn't I?"

Or maybe someone in our family died by suicide. If one of our parents died by suicide, then we might well ask ourselves, "If dad couldn't take it, how can I?"

Or maybe one of our best friends died by suicide. Or someone at school. If we look around our own hometown and read the papers or watch the news on TV, one thing is very obvious: people are killing themselves all the time. While not exactly a pastime, people all around us are making attempts on their lives. In the time it took you to read this small section someone, somewhere in the world died by suicide and dozens more made an attempt.

According to the World Health Organization, suicide is a leading cause of premature death. It is estimated more than one million people die by suicide each year in the world, or more than 2,700 people per day, and approximately 80 of these are Americans.

What does this tell us? What this tells us is that we got the idea of dying by suicide from someone else. We didn't think of this solution all by ourselves. Suicide is hardly a new idea and people have been doing it for as long as there have been people. And so, if we somehow have got hold of the idea of solving our problems by suicide, then we must have got it from someone -- a
friend, a family member, a famous person. Someone, somewhere has shown us that suicide is something we too can do. And when someone else has shown us the way, is it easier for us to take the same route?

The research on this is very clear: When a famous person like Marilyn Monroe kills herself, the suicide rate rises. It is as if the people who had been thinking their problems were insoluble saw, by Marilyn's example, that self-destruction was a real possibility. Maybe they said, "If it was good enough for Marilyn, it is good enough for me."

And when a Japanese teen idol killed herself by jumping to her death, at least six teenagers also killed themselves within just a few days. Some of them jumped and most left a note indicating they had taken their cue from her example.

The same thing happens closer to home. When one or two kids in a high school kill themselves, more kids are likely to kill themselves. And if someone in a family dies by suicide, the rest of the family members are more likely to die by suicide. Right or wrong, we all learn by example.

One suicidal man I worked with was very serious about ending his life. His wife had had an affair with another man, his kids were in trouble, and his job was not going well. I asked him where he got the idea of taking his own life. "Well," he said, "both of my parents committed suicide.”

I had never met a man whose mother and father had both killed themselves. But I knew that whatever I might be able to say to him about why he should go on living, I was up against the two most powerful and influential people in his life, mom and dad.

"I was only five when they did it,” he said. "So I don't think it bothered me too much.”

But of course it had. As we worked together, he was able to tell me that every time he had faced a tough problem in life, the idea of committing suicide had crept into his mind, almost against his will. It was as if, despite his promise never to kill himself as his parents had, he could not stop thinking about it. And now that his life was going very badly, he could not keep the thoughts out any longer.

So in a way this man really had no chance to avoid thinking about suicide. It had been there since his first memories. It was as if his parents had given him a terrible gift. They had shown him that, when life becomes unbearable, this is what you do.

So I need to ask you once again, just where did you get the idea of taking your own life?

Has someone who was close to you shown you the way?

Has a parent or a grandparent or an uncle or an aunt or a friend set an example for you?

Or have you compared your misery with someone whom you thought you knew and decided that if suicide was good enough for them, it is good enough for me?

If your answer is yes, then I will ask you one simple question:

Is your life, your problem, your particular pain, exactly like theirs? Are you an identical person in an identical crisis?

I think your answer has to be no. Because, like it or not, we are all entirely separate, entirely different, entirely unique human beings. There has never been anyone exactly like us on the planet before and there will never be anyone exactly like us on the planet in the future. However much we may not like ourselves or however much we may regret what we have done or have
become, we are at least one-of-a-kind persons, the likes of which this world will never see again.

And, being such unique creatures, shouldn't we make our own unique decisions?