The Forever Decision by Paul Quinnett   Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Since Suicide: The Forever Decision was first published many things have happened. The world itself has changed. The Berlin wall has fallen. Several wars have come and gone. Peace has broken out in unlikely places. Old enemies are friends and old friends are enemies. The virus that causes AIDS has struck a new kind of horror into the hearts of people everywhere and, suddenly, our beliefs about the sanctity of life have been thrown under the bright light of reexamination. Recent advances in modern medicine are nothing short of miraculous and, while people still die naturally, the possibilities for extending the days, months, and years available to us are staggering. But, many now ask, at what price? And with what quality of life?

As free choice is the very definition of liberty, there are many in the world who now wish to extend the definition of freedom to the taking of one's own life -with or without the legal assistance of a physician. The success of Derek Humphry’s book Final Exit (of the Hemlock Society) suggests that there are many thousands of people who feel a need for information on how to kill oneself. The information is on the internet, and it cannot be denied to anyone who wants it.

As I cannot know the minds of the people who want to kill themselves, it is my guess that the great majority of them are intelligent people who, knowing that there may come a time in their own lives when, faced with the certain reality of a slow, painful, expensive, and undignified death, they may choose to make the forever decision. For the truly dying, and because this is such a deeply personal matter, I do not feel it is my place, personally or professionally, to proffer logical, clinical, or even moral arguments against such carefully considered action.

But I will say this: Our society suffers from an insidious ageism that says old people are less valuable than young people. This belief is held by older people as well as the young. This ageism, this stigma against old age inspires self-destruction and tells the elderly that, if they are feeling sick and a burden to the rest of us, maybe they should just “move along.”

I am outraged by this “ism” and I believe it has something to do with the high suicide rates among older people. Already feeling guilty about being retired and/or not contributing to society, our negative attitude toward older people can set the stage for suicide. Please note: the fastest growing group of people on the planet surface are old people, most of them women. We, all of us, need to examine this problem of suicide, ageism and stigma. And we need to do it quickly. After all, I’m not getting and younger, and neither are you.

Another point about getting old and sick and dying: When we are dying of a terminal illness, we all deserve a pain-free death. Modern medicines in the hands of skilled physicians can, in almost every case, assure us of this. It is called palliative care, and it works. No one should have to die by suicide to avoid suffering.

A Final Word on Depression
As a psychologist who has worked with hundreds of suicidal people, I am painfully aware that depression and other disorders of mood are rampant in our society and in the world and among people of all ages. I also know that most depressed people (including children) are not getting adequate or competent medical care for this illness – an illness that is quite treatable. If depression were more clearly a physical illness and thoughts of suicide its most clarion symptom, we would not tolerate the current inaccessibility to treatment.

Consider that when we have chest pain, we know this to be a symptom of possible heart disease and seek diagnosis and treatment. When we have a persistent high temperature, we know this to be a symptom of a probable infection and seek diagnosis and treatment. When we suffer debilitating headaches we know these to be possible symptoms that something could be wrong with our heads, so we seek diagnosis and treatment.

Imagine, for a moment, a world in which, when we experience persistent and painful thoughts of death and suicide, we automatically knew these to be symptoms of possible brain disorder and – without stigma or prejudice - sought out diagnosis and treatment?

Is a symptom of mental pain that different from physical pain? I think not.

Now, with John Lennon and me, imagine all the lives that could be saved.

A Final Note
Since the publication of this book, I have received many letters from readers who, while their excerpted thoughts must remain anonymous here, may help you understand how important it is to give yourself some time -time to understand, to rest, to learn, to reconsider, to heal and to carry on until another tomorrow.

As a reader, and since you are reading an e-book, you may feel free to add your own observations to this file.

“I've been thinking about suicide for some time now and the one thing holding me back is the thought of perhaps failing at the attempt. Are there really more failed attempts than complete suicides? I must be mighty stupid in not having the confidence in myself concerning taking my life. So many people indeed succeed. If I knew that I'd be successful in taking my life, I surely wouldn't be writing now, nor would I have read your book.”

“June 15 of this year I was calmly working out the details of my suicide when I remembered your book, which I had not read. So I read it ...all night. I am writing to tell you that you may have saved my life. As promised in your book, the very next day a friend called from Arizona to tell me he was coming for a visit. I'm going to get some help now. Thank you for the hope and courage to keep going.”

“I feel I know you. I went to the library today looking for books about near-death experiences to support my feelings about ending my life. None of those books was available, but to make a long story short, I spent the afternoon reading your book Suicide: The Forever Decision. I felt compelled to read the whole book. I guess you accomplished your goal in that I postponed my suicide another day or so. So far as ending my misery, I guess I'm not quite there yet.”

“I purchased your book Suicide in January 1988. At that time it did prevent me from taking my life. Two months later I didn't think to look at it before overdosing. Twice more in '88 I again ignored your wise counsel and spent time in a critical-care unit. In spite of my past and possible future attempts at self-harm, I believe your book is the best written on the subject. ...Thanks for sharing a part of yourself with others. I appreciate it.”

“I was afraid if I kept reading I would get the urge to go ahead and take my life. But after reading the whole book I won't say I'm cured, but I feel much better. I'm going to give it to my counselor to read.”

“I just thought I would write you a letter telling you that I appreciate the honesty in your book. I attempted suicide in June and told myself that in January I would kill myself and make sure I did it right this time. But I made the decision to live yesterday. I will turn the gun (my father's .22) over to my psychiatrist on October 6. Your book pointed a lot out to me. I believe there is something better for me and I'm gonna fight like hell to get it.”

“I won't tell you my life story, but I will tell you I attempted suicide and that I thought I had the knowledge to overdose (I'm a nurse). The dosage I took should have worked, but I'm still alive. I'm going to read your book over again. As this is Christmas Eve, thank you for the best Christmas present - your insight, your hope, and encouragement.”

“I really enjoyed your book. My feelings about suicide frequently go back and forth. I bought your book the same night I bought a bottle of Tylenol. I decided to read your book first. And when I finished it, do you know what I did? I flushed the pills down the toilet. Reading your book first was probably one of the smartest things I've done in a long time. I just wanted to let you know that it helped.”

AUTHORS FINAL NOTE: By reading this book and these letters, it is my hope that you, too, can find a way to give yourself the gift of life.

Sincerely,

Paul Quinnett

Other books by Paul Quinnett include:
Counseling Suicidal People: a Therapy of Hope
(and on the lighter side)
Pavlov’s Trout: the Incomplete Psychology of Everyday Fishing
Darwin’s Bass: The Evolutionary Psychology of Fishing Man
Fishing Lessons